You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
