Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
