we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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