Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
