I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think people are normalizing furries
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
