we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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