guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
