Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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