just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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