Can i not drive my cunt home
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Also, beer. Big fan.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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