On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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