Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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