Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
