My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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