Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
