You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
