Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
