Bisexual people are plain selfish.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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