If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
