He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
