i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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