Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
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