I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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