Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
