I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
