And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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