I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
