is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
