and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
