If i come over, it means nothing
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
