we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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