So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
