Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
