Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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