We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
