You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
home. puking in laundry basket.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
