Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's no shave November. This is our time.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
