haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
