i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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