i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
