Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
