It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
