You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
