if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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