I faked an abortion last night.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
