apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
