Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
