He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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