I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
