Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
