I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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